Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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