I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
