I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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