You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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