There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
