she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
