you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
