eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
