the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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