my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
