i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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