I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
