sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i believe in u and ur pee
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
