So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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