We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
