Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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