Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
