Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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