And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
