If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize