He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
