good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
