just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
