There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
