in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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