Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
