My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
