why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
