..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
