mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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