I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
