Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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