Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
