she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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