i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
