rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
