My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
