drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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