You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i've created a new STD.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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