I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
