Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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