i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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