I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
