Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
