Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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