hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
