you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
