just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
