I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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