I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
