the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
