I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
