Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
