How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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