are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
