plz talk dirty to me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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