TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
