Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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