we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
