You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
