i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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