I'm lost and stupid without you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
