my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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