I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
