Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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