yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
