My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
