how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
