HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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