i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
