yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
